| Table Scraps - The Fall TV Season Reviewed |
| Sunday, 30 September 2007 | |
 Damn, there are a lot of good TV shows this season. That's the first thought that sprang to mind as I set my TV dinner down after sitting through six and a half hours of preview DVD's.(Never mind the fact that I took so much time actually getting around to watching them that most of them are now review DVD's.) So here they are, the shows of the Fall 2007 season that have piqued my interest, reviewed and rated. I've done things a little differently this time around however: the shows will be judged on my very own "HUMPability" scale (a scale of 1 to 5, depending on how badly the show makes me want to uncontrollably hump my television screen). "Heroes", for instance, would get a 5 out of 5. "Private Practice" would have to go into double-digit negative numbers just to fully illustrate how it makes me physically sterile. Got the basic idea? Great! Let's start things off alphabetically with:  I wish this pic was longer Bionic Woman The Basics: The first of two "Babes and Bots" shows this season. A super hot brunette (who just happens to have a huge IQ yet works at a bar because she's "troubled") lives with her sister (who just happens to be overdramatically deaf and rebellious) and dates her wonderful boyfriend (who just happens to be a genius surgeon/biologist/nano-bionics expert). Unlikely doesn't even begin to describe it. Anyway, in the first few minutes they manage to put the superhot chick and brainy boytoy in a major accident, where Hottie McBartenderGirl gets transformed into Hottie McSuperBionicSpy. It's revealed that the first of these "Bionic Women" went bad, which leads to a catfight... in leather... in the rain... yeah. That about sums it up. Thoughts? Well, despite the fact that they kill a baby in the first ten minutes of the show (they reveal that the main character is pregnant, then immediately cut to the next scene where her and her boyfriend get in the car crash) the show was eerily mediocre. One thing in particular that bothered me is that they cram the "girl power" aspect down your throat the entire time. A little girl, upon seeing the Bionic Woman running at super speeds beside their car, tells her mother about it. The mother scolds her for telling lies and the girl replies: "I just thought it was cool that a girl could do that". Really? That's what you thought? Not "what the heck is that friggin thing outside my window"? Not "Mommy, there's some kind of freaky blurry lady creature out there"? No, you... in your childlike wisdom... decided that this was the time to deeply ponder the issue of female empowerment. Right? Time out: Maybe it's just me, but making your female character beat the crap out of each other like roid-raging muscleheaded WWE rejects while smoking and wearing dripping wet shirts doesn't make your women seem "powerful" or "independent". It just makes them look like idiots. Time in. All in all, the only thing I can think to call this show is: Crap-tastic. GEEKTIONARY Overall Humpability?  2 Humps out of 5. The Bionic Woman could turn out to be a winner, but right now it's basically just Robo-Felicity.  This guy sold me weed once. Cavemen The Basics: Cavemen have been around throughout history, and this show focuses on three Cavemen living in modern society and dealing with everyday situations. Obviously loosely based on the Geico commercials, more obviously based on the work of the Ku Klux Klan. Thoughts? Dear Lord. At first I was interested in seeing this because it had been so widely hyped and panned by critics. After watching it, I can see why. The show at best manages to be mildly funny, and at worst devolves into blatently disguised racism. As someone who respects our African American brothers (and every other race, for that matter), I was offended. It seems like the writers decided to make fun of black people or be "edgy" by discussing racism issues, but decided to do it by making them into cavemen instead of black people. Case in point: During a car ride to meet his fiancee's parents at a country club (which they have trouble getting into because they're "cavemen"), the three "cavemen" have an indepth discussion about how it's okay for them to call each other "Cromaggers", but other people can't. If you can't see why that could get some people in trouble for airing it during prime time, I weep for you. The other thing that bothered me is that in 21 minutes of TV show, they play 14... yes, 14 hit songs. Almost like they're trying to say, "Hey! Watch the show because it's cool and has cool music!". No thanks. I know when I'm being marketed to. Overall Humpability?  1 Hump out of 5. One of the three cavemen is humorous, but that won't save a show destined to be cancelled in it's first weeks.  Psycho Killer (qu'est que c'est) Dexter - Season Two The Basics: While it's not a "new" show per se, it is a whole new season for my favorite serial killer/police forensic scientist and I am stoked. After the surprising ending of last season, Dexter begins this season confused and off his game. Thoughts? Woot! I love this show. The best part of this show is watching Dexter try to fit in with normal, everyday people and coming to the exact same conclusions as he does: What exactly is the allure of bowling? The season premiere starts of with a bang (or a muffled thud, if you will) as we see Dexter fail again and again to get his mojo back after the events of last season. To add to his frustration, the underwater spot where he dumps all his victims is found by two divers, setting off a chain of events that I can only assume will put Dexter ever closer to being caught as the season speeds on. Overall Humpability?  5 Humps out of 5. What can I say? Any show that can make you actually root for a cold-blooded sociopathic killer is a fascinating show indeed.  This is not Scott Bakula. Journeyman The Basics: Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished .... He woke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home. Wait...no. That was Quantum Leap. Sorry. Basically, Journeyman is about some milquetoast guy who travels back and forth from present day to the past for some unknown reason to set things right that went wrong. No science fiction bent this time though, as it was probably deemed too "nineties". Thoughts? I liked this show better when it was called QUANTUM LEAP. Seriously though, the plot line was pretty lame, as the main character stops a disturbed man from shooting and killing his soon-to-be-ex wife and child, all the while trying to figure out if it's wrong to bang his ex-girlfriend in the past and his current wife in the present. It isn't technically cheating if you defy the laws of time and space to do it, right? Overall Humpability?  2 Humps out of 5. It feels like it's missing something... oh yeah, that's right: it's missing Al.  Coming Soon to DVD Pushing Daisies The Basics: Ned Pace is a humble piemaker with one strange talent: he can bring dead people back to life with a single touch. The people he touches, however can only stay alive for one minute before someone nearby has to take their place in the afterlife. Another touch from Ned and bingo: they're dead again. Ned uses his powers to wake up murder victims, ask them who killed them, and then "solve" the case, usually for a reward. The show takes an odd turn when Ned uses his power to bring his first love back to life (she was mysteriously murdered aboard a cruise ship). Ned discovers that she's every bit as wonderful as he remembered, and decides to let her live. Now, he has the love of his life back, but they can never touch again or she'll die again. Thoughts? From the opening claymation rampage to the "touching" final scene, I fell absolutely in love with this show. It's quirky, it's strange, it's funny, it's smart, it's stylish. The show is created by Bryan Fuller, who brought us series like Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me, so it's well written. The pilot was directed by Barry Sonnenfield and it has a very "Roald Dahl" feel to it, not to mention it has the best narrator since the tragically cancelled Arrested Development. This is my personal favorite of the season, but with it being described next to shows like Dead Like Me and Arrested Development, expect this show to become an instant cult classic when it is unexpectedly cancelled midseason for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Overall Humpability?  5 Humps out of 5. It's like an extremely charming Lemony Snicket movie. Not like the actual Lemony Snicket movie, which was just an extremely painful Jim Carrey movie.  That is one big dust bunny, dude. Reaper The Basics: Sam's parents celebrate his 21st birthday by letting him know that they sold his soul to devil before Sam was born. To pay off his debt to the devil, Sam has to track down souls that have escaped from Hell and return them to the nearest receptacle, the DMV ("Hell on Earth", as the devil puts it). Thoughts? The pilot of Reaper was directed by Kevin Smith. What? You need more than that? Ok, fine. It's cynical, it's snarky, it's sarcastic. Aiding Sam in his efforts is his best friend Sock, who literally exists only to crack jokes, look quizzical, and get kicked around. He's the Randall to Sam's Dante. Quite frankly, I'm surprised Kevin Smith didn't write the show too. Kevin Smith, Kevin Smith. Also, Kevin Smith. The problem is that Kevin Smith isn't sticking around. As the series continues it will be directed by someone else (I couldn't even be bothered to find out who) and I really don't know that the show would be as strong without the direction of "the Almighty Silent One". I have high hopes for the show, and it presents a lot like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but without the presuming cheerfulness. Overall Humpability?  3 Humps out of 5. The pilot is excellent, and hopefully the rest of the episodes follow suit.  Linda Hamilton WHO? Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles The Basics: In the second of our "Babes and Bots" shows, Lena Headey ("This is SPARTAAAA!") plays Sarah Connor. If you don't know who that is, you need to run (seriously, run) to the video store and rent the Terminator movies. Everyone should have to sit through them once. When she's not busy redefining the term "MILF", Sarah Connor helps protect her son John from robot assassins with the help of a new hot female Terminator played by Summer Glau, a.k.a. "River Tam from Firefly". Thoughts? I really, really expected this to suck. I'm sorry, it may seem calloused, but a Terminator TV show? C'mon, it had to suck. Surprisingly, it did not. Headey plays Connor to perfection, with a blend of motherly concern and love mixed with a hardened attitude and drill sergeant-like discipline. The kid playing John Connor is pretty whiny, but I think that's intentional. I'm assuming that over the season and into the next, John will eventually become the leader he's destined to become. There's an interesting twist that brings the group to 2007, which was a nice touch. I'm not sold on the hot female Terminator though, as I think that was the worst part of Rise of the Machines. Summer Glau does a great job playing Summer Glau. The special effects were surprisingly good for TV. Overall Humpability?  4 Humps out of 5. Great special effects, teen sensibility. Think of it as Terminator: The Smallville Years. So, that's it. Seven shows, seven reviews. We've seen robotic women fighting each other, robotic women fighting robotic men, men sending people to their deaths, men bringing people back from the dead, men sending the dead back to hell, and Quantum Leap. Damn, there are a lot of good TV shows this season. Peter Sorensen is a part time reviewer is also not Scott Bakula. What's your favorite new show? What's your favorite color? Whatever it is, just post a comment and let us know! Comments (3)
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