| Heroes Comic: The "End" of Hana and Drucker |
| Tuesday, 29 January 2008 | |
 Wow. And I thought last weeks issue was bad. In this week's issue of the Heroes Graphic Novel, ingeniously titled "The End of Hana and Drucker" we get to see... you guessed it! The end of Hana and Drucker! What a surprise! Concluding the last four-issue story arc, this issue picks up where we left off last week, with the entire Company database being uploaded into Matt Neuenberg's brain to protect it from little Tron versions of Hana Gittleman and Richard Drucker. Just think, Hana and Drucker managed to escape that light cycle level, fight off all those floating hovertanks, and destroy the MCP just to get sucked into oblivion when Elle decides to "test the surge protection" with a blast of electricity. That's right. They're dead by the second page. ...or are they? I don't think I'm being jaded when I say "for the love of God, I hope they are". As they're being sucked into the nothingness, Hana says "Phir Melangay Drucker" which translates to... absolutely nothing. Why? Because it's actually spelled "Phir Milenge" and when spelled correctly (glares at Heroes comic writers) it means roughly "we'll meet again". Apparently accuracy doesn't matter much in a Heroes comic (unless of course, Hana was making a veiled remark about Druckers sexuality, in which case it's hilarious). Regardless, the "we'll meet again" line is what I like to call a "barndoor comment": GEEKTIONARY So, despite the shameless attempts to leave the fate of HanaSolo and MotherDrucker hanging in the balance (which kind of defeats the point of naming this issue "The End of Hana and Drucker), we still have to wrap up the other half of this story arc: Matt Neuenberg.  Wow, Elle sucks at 'Operation'. The intense experience of having an entire database uploaded into his brain causes Matt's heart to stop, and he collapses on the floor while Elle destroys the mainframe (which just happens to consist of three measly desktop computers, and not an entire room of data servers like you would think). cough cough *research* cough cough. Bob arrives with his crack staff of professional extras, and Elle restarts Matt's heart with a gentle jolt to his chest. By gentle, I mean a giant blast of crackling electricity straight into his man-boobs. Ow. That's going to leave a burn mark. Matt survives the ordeal, manages to clumsily hit on Elle, and saves the entire mainframe using only his brain, and what does he get in return? His freedom? A cadre of concubines? A lifetime supply of Xena tapes and Hot Pockets?  Still not Keanu Reeves. Everything looks rosy for our pimply protagonist. Elle even stops by with a picnic basket (with cake? waffles, perhaps?) and the promise of some romantic quality time outside with just him, her, and a couple of heavily armed and highly trained guards that won't hesitate to kill him if he tries to bolt. Fortunately, Matt never makes it to that date. The physical and mental strain of the "download procedure" is too much for him and he dies on the table. Of course, it was a tragedy that could have easily been averted. As anyone who's seen the Matrix knows, when you plug the giant claw/spike thingy into a person's brain to access the data there, you plug it into the convenient socket IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Duh! That's what it's there for! Obviously, these doctors are not big Carrie Anne-Moss fans.
You can download the PDF of this issue from the main Heroes site (www.nbc.com/Heroes/novels ) or read it online with their flash viewer HERE . Personally, I don't like either and prefer to read it in .cbr format using a freeware program called CDisplay (downloadable here ). WARNING:
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